Every breath I take seems to be forced out of me. Choking. Suffocating. I look around me. I do not see you. I feel lost. Stumped. I come home from school and run into your room. Empty. Another person would not realize that this room has been vacant. I do. I do not hear the blaring music. I do not hear the chatter. I do not hear the ‘tip’ ‘tip’ of the water running in the sink. I do not hear the creak of the bed. I do not hear u call out to me. I do not see clothes strewn around. I do not see empty pizza boxes in the bin. I do not see that ‘shangrila’ ketchup pack on your table. I do not see the mess of tangled wires by your bedside. The ones I untangled before you completely messed them up.
Wanting some help. Wanting some advice. I do not know who to turn to. Walk absent mindedly around your room. I realize that there is no harry potter novel in the loo. Yet it still seems to stun me. Still can’t get used to it. Used to the fact that you aren’t here. I miss you way too much... The pain gets worse every day. They tell me this would get easier over time; it only seems to get harder to go on without you. It startles me more than anything.
I feel frighteningly hollow. I miss our disputes and our fights over food (which I won by licking food first and grossing you out). Such petty issues. Me making fun of your silly little ways. Like taking hours to draw even a rough diagram just so it could be perfect. Meticulous. To be honest it totally freaked me out. You always making the same joke: oooh a donkey….see Shamaim there goes your brother. Then realizing how that joke was on you now. I miss our impertinent ‘bongra’ jokes. I miss our childish slap games. How you always got to slap me because of your fast reflexes and how I would sometimes be lucky and would be able to slap you back. The look on your face when I did was priceless. I miss it all. If I think about it, even for a second, it ruins my entire day.
